2018’s particular musical climate produced the makings of a perfect storm of bad Top 40 content. Between the overvaluing of streams, the utterly lackluster mainstream pop scene, and the sheer inexplicability of some of the highest-charting songs of the year, this was certainly not an easy one for me. But I put in the work, and now we have my top 15 worst hit songs of the year.
15) TASTE – Tyga feat. Offset
A lot of artists with what Chris Brown would describe as a “controversial past” weaseled their way back onto the scene this year, but few are more infuriating than Tyga and the inexplicable success of his throwaway summer single, “Taste.” Two years since his rightfully-maligned relationship with Kylie Jenner and three years since his last top 40 hit, I like many had assumed we were done with this guy. But between this generic track and his moderately successful collaboration with Iggy Azalea, we are forced to face the cold, hard truth that somewhere, out there in the world, someone likes Tyga.
14) TAKI TAKI – DJ Snake feat. Ozuna, Selena Gomez, and Cardi B
Look, I like DJ Snake. I like Cardi B. I don’t have anything against Ozuna, or even Selena Gomez. But this song is a goddamn mess. The rushed hook is a mess, the underwhelming-yet-grating drop is a mess, the bizarre buildup to Selena’s utterly mundane third verse is a mess, it’s just a complete failure of a collaboration. I wish I could say that the saving grace is a decent Cardi verse, but truth be told, Cardi B is often only as good as the material she’s given, and “Taki Taki” gives her nothing to work with.
13) I LIKE ME BETTER – Lauv
I guess the only questions I have about this one are “what,” “who,” and “why?” But let’s be fair here. “I Like Me Better” was a sleeper hit that snaked its way up the charts over the course of 2018, boosted by its inclusion in the Netflix film To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. Lauv’s twee, flaccid electropop sound would seem to paint him as a sort of off-brand Bazzi, not that either of them have a good excuse for being as successful as they are. There’s so little to like about “I Like Me Better,” from its whiny, stringy drop to its tepid lyrics and lifeless vocals. It fails to justify its existence as a song, let alone as a hit.
12) FILTHY – Justin Timberlake
This stuttering attempt at a “SexyBack” clone left audiences and critics unsure how to feel at the beginning of the year. I, like many others, still kind of wanted to like Justin Timberlake, and relied on the often-true sentiment that the song would get better with age. Now, a bloated album, disastrous halftime show, and a mediocre attempt at a summer jam later, we can state it outright: “Filthy” sucks. The cheesy lyrics could be more than excused (I’ll admit to dearly enjoying the earnest “what you gonna do with all that MEAT” line) if not for the truly untenable production work, arguably the worst in Timbaland’s career.
11) I’M UPSET – Drake
Drake’s one of the savviest movers in the industry, and this year of blows overcome proves it, if not for the one gigantic, glaring misstep dead in the middle: “I’m Upset,” the third single off Scorpion. Released just a day after Pusha T’s phenomenal album Daytona and Drake’s fiery response “Duppy Freestyle,” what could’ve been an under-the-radar throwaway single became a whiny, tactless blip in the middle of the most heated rap beef in ages. But even barring its unfortunate release date, “I’m Upset” is as generic and underwhelming as they come, a mark of an era that may be over for Drake just as soon as it began: the era when he could get a no-effort track to the top of the charts.
10) BEAUTIFUL – Bazzi feat. Camila Cabello
A recounting of 2018’s worst would be incomplete without a mention of this collaboration between the year’s two least interesting new stars: sappy viral breakout Bazzi and Fifth Harmony’s overwrought maverick Camila Cabello. The downbeat collaboration has everything you’d expect from these two: grating vocals, inane lyrics, and an utter lack of entertainment.
9) LIGHTS DOWN LOW – MAX feat. gnash
Based on the other singles I’ve heard from him, I actually like MAX, but this song just got on my nerves. It’s a typical white-guy-with-acoustic-guitar song with an added dose of underwhelming pop-EDM slop. And that’s not to mention gnash, a rapper of no notable qualities who first inexplicably hit the airwaves with 2016’s “i hate u, i love u.” In sum, it’s like you took three of the worst kinds of pop around today and synthesized them into a single, inescapable hit.
8) PSYCHO – Post Malone feat. Ty Dolla $ign
Now, since I know Post Malone is a hill many will die on, let me start this by noting that I liked several of his singles this year (“Better Now” came within a few inches of making the best list). But I’m sorry, folks, no matter how much play it gets, how many accolades it accrues, how much I continue to increasingly appreciate Ty Dolla $ign, I’m never gonna not hate “Psycho.” It’s not catchy, it’s not clever, it fails at capturing its title or the energy of its artists to an almost hilarious degree, and a year of steady success hasn’t brought me any closer to liking it.
7) END GAME – Taylor Swift feat. Ed Sheeran and Future
“End Game” is one of the more chemical, forced attempts at a left-field collaboration in pop history. Taylor’s grating hook in which she insists she has a “big reputation” is the least of this song’s worries, as she’s joined by Future, the safest rapper she could’ve possibly picked to collaborate with and yet the least sensible choice to connect with Taylor. And speaking of connection, she and Ed Sheeran need to have a real heart-to-heart about the fact that they have absolutely zero chemistry. The beat isn’t doing any of them any favors. Nothing connects with anything else on this track, and while I continue to enjoy several of reputation‘s most reviled tracks, “End Game” falls flat for me.
6) FEFE – 6ix9ine feat. Nicki Minaj and Murda Beatz
I had reservations about including this song on the list, because for those of you who haven’t given it a listen (fair enough), Nicki actually delivers a pretty great verse. But at the end of the day, the success of Nicki’s verse only makes the song that much worse. The way things are going now, 6ix9ine and his success will go down in infamy, but not because of his pedophilic actions; it’ll be because of his brazen attempts at cashing in on his own reputation as a pedophile. And if that is the case, it’s certainly not gonna be a good look for Nicki, who cosigns Tekashi’s most grotesquely garish provocations on this song.
5) SAD! – XXXTENTACION
Not that I think it matters at this point, but I’m willing to accept that XXX wanted to change. I’m willing to accept that he could’ve been led down the right path and redeemed if he’d had the chance. What I refuse to accept is the idea that he was special. Out of about a half-dozen hit singles in a year’s time, the writing’s on the wall: this guy was a hack. Just look at “SAD!,” a two-and-a-half-minute song with exactly four lines of lyrics that fans stubbornly insist spoke to them. And while he had an eclectic style, all his songs are like this in one way or another. Whether he’s feeling “SAD!” or “BAD!,” he never brings enough tact or talent to it to justify the cult of ego he built up in his life.
4) HIM & I – G-Eazy and Halsey
Honestly, this might have made it onto last year’s list, but I don’t really care. This shit sucks. I don’t know if it’s G-Eazy’s robotic delivery or his humdrum lyrics, but he can’t bring any emotion to a track, and Halsey doesn’t exactly put her best foot forward either. If you’re gonna make an edgelord love song, at least put some heart into it. This sounds like a song that got left off the Suicide Squad soundtrack for being too on-the-nose.
3) THUNDER – Imagine Dragons
I actually know for a fact that this one made it onto last year’s list, but come on, guys. Is this okay? Is this the level of effort we’re all cool with? Did this song elicit any kind of emotional response from anyone? For what it’s worth, I can at least grant Imagine Dragons that they haven’t released anything quite as bad as this (although maybe I’d change my tune if I gave their latest album a listen). “Thunder” is inexcusable.
2) FREAKY FRIDAY – Lil Dicky feat. Chris Brown
After building up enough popularity and goodwill to score himself a top ten hit, Lil Dicky was at a volatile point in his career: this single could make or break him on a commercial level. It had to be catchy, have broad appeal, and stay true to his spirit and values. So, he made a song about how cool Chris Brown is. What starts out as a concept for a song that (at the very least) couldn’t possibly age well spirals out of control as Dicky heaps praise upon Chris Brown to increasingly infuriating levels. It reaches a fever pitch at the end, when Dicky manages to get Ed fucking Sheeran to stop by and sing about how Chris Brown is soooo cool. Maybe Dicky needs the publicity, but Ed Sheeran has no excuse for being a part of this. Things close off with Kendall Jenner singing as Lil Dicky masturbating in her body, a moral can of worms that audiences shouldn’t have to deal with and another entry to a stack of reasons Lil Dicky should have had like, one person listen to this song before he put it out.
1) GIRLS LIKE YOU – Maroon 5 feat. Cardi B
1.5 billion views on YouTube. Sixteen weeks atop the Billboard Radio Songs chart. Seven weeks atop the Hot 100, and another twenty spent in the top ten. A Grammy nomination for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance. A remix by St. fucking Vincent of all people. And for what? “Girls Like You,” the most grotesquely undercooked, uninspired, lifeless, charmless, faceless, unlikable pop song to berate the radio in years, perhaps one of the least enjoyable #1 hits of all time. It can’t even be picked apart because there’s nothing to latch onto, no performance, no instrumentation, no effort, the closest thing to literal silence you can pass off as a pop single. Maroon 5 has been doling out clunkers like it was their job these past few years, but “Girls Like You” is a new low.
Stay tuned in the coming days for the next entry in my year in review series, The Best Movies of 2018.
